Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I am sorry I have disappointed you.

but gwl really did not click in my mind.

oh my god I am a disappointment.


let me share some insecurities.

first - I am insecure about how I look. which really really really doesn't show. because most of the time I am smart enough to know that it doesn't really matter and that how someone thinks you look is more a reflection of how much they like you and not so much how you really look. nonetheless, I still wish I were prettier/skinnier.

second - I am insecure about my grades. which I realize is totally stupid considering and I should really be one of the last people ever to be insecure about my grades, but being friends with you/jack/kailing. man. and didy studies so much and I just feel overall very inferior.

third - whenever a friendship starts to fail, I can never bring myself to do anything about it. I keep thinking it will get better, but it doesn't. and then it gets to a point where doing anything would be awkward and weird. so yeah. if anything ever happens to us, please do something about it! b/c I will just be sitting here and feeling cowardly.

three seems like a good number, doesnt it. but there is another one.

pi - I am insecure about my (lack of) talent. you play piano and violin so well and louisa is a great artist and a good violinist and gabriel is great a violin and melanie is superb at art and jack is a genius at piano and I just feel very... untalented. I keep worrying I won't get accepted into a decent college.

anyway. pi is a even better number.

that was quite depressing, no?

and guess what. I'm not so excited about clothes anymore. like I see the new br and gap catalogues, and I just think, "I don't want to look through all that." isn't that sad? but I still want those flip flops. if you get there before I do, get them for me and I will pay you 6.50, which means you get a one cent profit. size nine, btw.

there. happy now? =)


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